If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? _Rumi
Life is a cycle for some, a pattern for some, a disgrace for some and a happy place for some. There is one quote which I will paraphrase because I don’t quite remember the exact words but it said that if we live for the bigger things, we won’t be able to appreciate the small good things that happens in our life on a daily basis. A few months ago I attended a seminar on depression and anxiety in one of the most prestigious hospitals of our country, and the thing that I learned from there was, yes truly these problems occur but sometimes anxiety and depression are not the monsters that we think they are, sometimes we breed these monsters to the point they engulf us whole, remember, I am not talking for the people here who have actually got it bad, who are in suffering. I am talking about the psychology of a disturbed mind and how we let our minds rule us.
For example; a woman got divorced, his husband loved her but as the time went by, the love dissipated and they became miserable together. Now, the wife, whenever she tries to date someone, gets extremely anxious that it won’t workout without even putting any efforts, so, what she is doing is telling herself that she cannot date anymore because she failed her previous marriage; this thought alone, after sometime will become a huge problem itself because what she signalled her brain continously was that she is not worthy enough to be in any other relationship. Her completely normal nervousness and anxiousness, due to her own signalling now became pathological.
Remember, I am no advocate on mental health, I also spiral down when things get heavy but after that seminar, I thought maybe I can control some part of my emotions; the speaker on counselling module talked about how we all need counselling at every step of our life, even with the small things like, ” What color should we paint the wall?”, sometimes we need the reassurance of others but she also explained how we should preserve our own state of mind too.Meaning that if we were happen to be emotionally unstable in the past, then we should also avoid people who are the source of souring our moods.
In addition to the seminar, there is also a book called,” Unlimited power” by Anthony Robbins that I am currently reading and absorbing to the best of my capabilities, and the author of this book have a similar theory related to our moods. Summary of that particular topic is that, if we believe we are in some state, we actually start living in that particular state. For instance, if a person likes to be seen as an object of pity, he just have to think that every small thing in his life is a misery in itself and viola, he/she will be the most pitiful human on the face of earth. Similarly, if someone wants to be happy in his/her life, all they need to do, is find happiness in all the little aspects of daily life. This is something I also happen to believe in, that if I have a particular outlook on any situation, then that situation usually goes in that direction. I tested this theory today too, it’s actually a bit funny but hope it helps you all to understand my perspective.
“So today I had to do the dishes, and I absolutely loathe when someone barges into the kitchen and load the dishwasher when I am amidst of washing the dishes, therefore, today I decided to wait until the dishwasher is full and no ones eating or drinking so I could clean up in one go. But life gives you lemons, and my mom loaded the dishwasher when I was cleaning up; since I had been already annoyed thinking about this fiasco since evening, I got pissed and actually got so frustrated and then I came to realise after an hour or two, that I created this scene in my head and I was already getting pissed about it, that’s why my reaction to that situation was so volatile.”
Now there are many more serious problems in life of other people that we don’t know about, that we don’t see or hear but sometimes we do let the small and petty things get to our head and we model ourselves to be enraged by those small pricks in the way while completely ignoring the flowers that gives fragrance to our life. So next time you and I have a bad day at work, or our tire gets punctured in the middle of traffic, or we get a detention for being 2 minutes late for class, all we need to do is, calm down, take a deep breath, think about the lunch we will be having with our friends tonight or the call we will be making to our dad later that day, we should think about the evening walk or simply a deep breath we are still able to take, focus on the small little details. We all need to look for the details that make us grateful and help us put on a smile.
Remember, you are more than what you think you are, embrace yourself, love yourself, you can do it, whatever you have been trying to do and have still not achieved, remember, you can do it. Take care of yourself, don’t push yourself in the vortex of self-doubt and become unhealthy.
“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” _Rumi